Interview with Geoff Bok...#@$%...z

SORSN: First question, how often are you asked to spell your name? Is it spelt correctly on sorsn.com? (Boukanowiz)

Geoff: It's not too often - only about Fourteen Billion times a week. It's "Bokuniewicz, but Boukanowiz sounds cooler so if you want to just roll with it

SORSN: What is the origin of your name?

Geoff: It's Ukrainian/Polish, and it means "Son of a tobacco farmer" in Ukrainian. True Story I have a lucrative endorsement deal with several Ukrainian tobacco companies

SORSN: Did you know that if you google Boukanowiz, you’re the only thing that is returned?

Geoff: I've actually killed off every other Bokuniewicz outside of my family. They use it only with my permission.

SORSN: You’re described as being “outspoken” and “very loud”. Would you agree with that?

Geoff: I'm actually in love with the sound of my own voice. No, seriously it’s just fun to argue and rile people up. And if I'm loud sometimes it's just part of the fun.

SORSN: With a last name of Bokuniewicz, I doubt that you are originally from SOR. Tell us where you moved here from.

Geoff: I’m originally from Springfield, Massachusetts. It's about the size of Knoxville and is famous for being the birthplace of basketball. I’m from the streets!

SORSN: Now on to baseball…..Give us your opinion of the team thus far. What are the team’s strengths? Weaknesses?

Geoff: Our strength is our pitching and defense. Last year, it was a problem for us. But we got a great 1-2 punch this year in Barry and Freddy. We also got Manning, a lefty, who gives us another look.

I don't think we have major weaknesses, but we have struggled with hitting early. It's just a matter of getting more swings in, so I think we will do better.

SORSN: A new conditioning program has been discussed for the baseball team. Have you all started this yet? If so, tell us about it.

Geoff: We started in preseason running a lot. Honestly, it's about accountability and toughness more than anything. If we make metal errors, we do pushups. Whichever side loses in scrimmage has to run. It's definitely been tougher this year.

SORSN: Finally, many people have various ambitions in life. For some, it may be to climb a tall peak…or perhaps visit Alaska. We’ve been informed that one of your life ambitions is to fight an ostrich. What’s this all about? What do you have against ostriches? Do ostriches actually fight? Where does one go to fight an ostrich? Have you been training for this fight? Do you have a power move that you would use on the ostrich?

Geoff: It's incorrect to say that one of my ambitions is to fight an ostrich. I'm going to beat the living you know what out of an ostrich. It's just a matter of when. I don't really have anything against a specific ostrich - I just think the species, as a whole, is too cocky. They could benefit from a good old fashioned you know what whooping. It's also a misconception that ostriches fight. They talk a big game, but they are wusses. I saw a monkey take down an ostrich on the tube.

I'm also on the Rocky training regimen for this fight. I wake up everyday at 4:00 am, drink four raw eggs, then beat the crap out of some hunks of meat for two hours. I've practiced some agility/jumping, as a key part of my strategy is to get on back of the ostrich and choke it out.

My power move is going to be my choke hold. If I can get my arms around its neck, it's gonna be over. The key part of the fight will be side stepping its ritual rush - ostriches can only kick forwards. People are over hyping this fight. That bird has about as much chance to win as it does to fly.

Interview with Coach Shillings

Coach Chris Shillings
SORSN: Entering the game at pinch runner - Josh. Tell us about that decision, whose idea was it, and what it meant to you and the team to get Josh in the game

Chris: I have been planning on getting him in a ballgame. He has been such a joy to have for our ball club this year. The boys like his enthusiasm for baseball and his constant up beat personality. We will remember it for the rest of our lives as well. And he likes his picture on the internet.

SORSN: What does the playoff picture look like for your team?

Chris: We finished 2nd in the district and will open up with Cosby Monday night. Double elimination tournament with the top 2 teams making the region. We are healthy and eager to bring home a trophy for SOR.

SORSN: Where do you see the baseball program in the future? Any up-and-comers that you are looking forward to having on your team?

Chris: The baseball program would like to thank you Shawn for all your hard work and coverage during this season. I'm really looking forward to getting Jacob Parkison, Thomas Viar, and the other members of the 11-12 year old team. We have some really good little league players coming up.

SORSN: You are losing your vocal leader Steve Stansbury this year. As a coach for both baseball and football, what does it mean for a coach to have someone like Steve on your team? Is he as vocal in class as he is on the field? I imagine an answer from him would be like, “MR. HIRT, THE ANSWER IS C! THREE QUESTIONS DOWN, SEVEN TO GO! GAP CHECK THE STUNT! C’MON MR. HIRT, HIT ME WITH ANOTHER ONE!”

Chris: Steve has been the heart and soul of our baseball program for 4 years. His leadership on the field will carry over to his military career. Marine Corp....”hoo-yah”. You couldn't ask for a tougher baseball player.

SORSN: Mowing season is here and in full swing. Have you spotted your neighbor Mike Hayes in his “mowing shorts” yet this season? Is his mowing attire the primary reason for your tall, privacy fence?

Chris: Can you say "Hooter Shorts"! He has not broke out his "Bright orange Daisy Duke hottie shorts" yet, not warm enough yet I guess. He is known as the "Mr. Wilson of Center Farm".

(I would agree...Mr. Wilson he is. I once heard him talk about running fishing line about waist high across his yard to keep “those darn kids” from running through his yard.)

Interview with Spencer Myers

Spencer Myers
SORSN: Identify these people by their quotes:
a) “Ball, you, man……..good low base……..step drag, step drag”
b) “I once had shoes like that, but then my daddy got a job.”
c) “RANDALL!!!”
d) “Brent, where have you been?! Where are you going?! When will you be back?!”

Spencer:
a) The ever famous Coach Ruffner.
b) Coach Hayes course if we was all as rich as him we wouldn't worry about our shoes.
c) Amy Woody (poor Randall)
d) My mom, I hear that every day also "Clean your room" and Do your laundry and the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on

(Amazing! Spencer you got them all right! You passed a test!! You passed a test!!)

SORSN: Are you ever going to paint your Chevy Blazer? Was “bondo gray” a color option when you bought the Blazer? Can you tell us about the time you locked yourself out of the Blazer and decided that the best way to get in was to break out the window?

Spencer: Eventually it will get painted but “bondo gray” is what it is now. It should be “primer black” but it fades. One plus is that I don't have to wash it.

As for the window, I had just shaved the door handles and I had to go get my money out of my room to get gum and when I opened my door and got out, it closed behind me. So I went to take the window off the hinges and got a screwdriver to pry it open and I put too much pressure on the window.

(For those who don’t know, “shave the door handles” means he removed the door handles to give it that solid, streamline look…which then requires an electronic device to pop open the doors, which Spencer didn’t have installed at the time. Normally you would wait to install the opening device before you actually removed the door handles, but nope, not Spencer.)

SORSN: Senior year…….your time playing sports for MHS is about over. From any sport, do you have a game or a play that haunts your dreams that you would like to go back for a “do-over”?

Spencer: Well I have plenty but the main one is the football game against Coalfield. If I could redo that everything would be great because we would have won. Also the Rockwood game in Basketball. If I would have guarded Harvest he wouldn't have made that shot. I hate to think of those days.

Interview with"Butthead" and Norman

Keith Norris aka “Butthead”
SORSN: You’ve become a common fixture at all the sporting events. You bring out your buns and weenies to the baseball games and hold them over a fire. Where do you get your buns and weenies from? Have you put on any weight since baseball has started?

Butthead: Buns and weenies are from Costal (aka Riverbend Market #1 aka “The Junction”). No weight gain, still holding strong at a buck 35.

SORSN: If you were on the show Survivor, do you think they’d keep you in the tribe for your weenies and weenie roasting skills? Do you have any other skills? Good with a bow staff or anything like that?

Butthead: Heck yes they’d keep me. As for my other skill………I can dance.

SORSN: In a game against McMinn Central, Big Jon Russell and a parent from McMinn Central exchanged words during the middle of the game. Does Big Jon have anger management issues? Is he on medication? Does he need to be? Did he look scared?

Butthead: Not at all. He’s a pretty calm guy. Big Jon ain’t scccaaaarrrreeeddd, he’s from the SOUTH. We ain’t never scared!

(“ain’t never” Could Butthead’s English teacher please address this)


Alex Norman
SORSN: You’re currently batting over .400 which is 2nd on the team behind Sam “I Am” Stansbury. Baseball is a game of stats. Do you monitor your numbers during the season? Since you’ve been playing, do you have a season that, statistically, was one of your best?

Alex: I always try to keep up with my stats to see what I need to do more. It always helps to know what your weak points are. I think this year has probably started off as my best year.

SORSN: You’re mom threatened to beat me up and throw me off the Kingston Bridge. I’m not a big guy but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn before. Is she all talk or does she pack a mean punch? Should she be in Anger Management with Big Jon Russell? Maybe practice yoga with Big Jon?

Alex: Oh yes, she is pretty intimidating. She just gets excited to see me play. I think her and Russell would make great yoga partners.

SORSN: Who on the baseball team would win at the following events:
- Bikini Contest
- Hot Dog Eating Contest
- “You throw like a girl” Contest

Alex:
Jon Russell
Steve Stansbury
Jason DeVries

SORSN: You played in the 1st Annual MHS FFA Golf Tournament at Southwest Point Golf Course. Is it difficult to adjust from swinging a bat to swinging a golf club? How much did your team cheat? How many balls were lost?

Alex: Yea, I caught myself swinging the clubs like I was batting. Our team came in last so maybe we should have resorted to cheating. As for the balls, only the lake knows how many we lost.

(Don’t worry, Watts Bar has claimed many of my balls, as well as sunglasses. And I’ve been tempted many of times to give my clubs a good toss into the river and spare myself and them any further embarrassment)

Interview with Big Jon Russell

Jon Russell:
SORSN: Currently the Greenwaves are 4-0, are you surprised or did you have a feeling going into the season that this was a team capable of a lot of wins? Is there a particular team that you are looking forward to playing?

Jon: I thought that we were capable of winning a few games. I am not surprised at all that were winning though.

SORSN: Tells us about you baseball background?

Jon: I have played since about 5 I guess.

SORSN: In Monday’s game against Scott Co., you were playing 1st base and you stretched out to semi-splits to catch a throw from Tanner on a nice 6-3 out. Do you consider yourself a “flexible” person? Have you ever tried pilates? Yoga?

Jon: Yea, I am a very "flexible person". No not really. But, when it comes to a close play at first I'll try to stretch out for the OUT.

SORSN: Butthead and Cupcake had a weenie roast going on during the game. Is there any concern that a forest fire could break out? Is it a good idea for Butthead to be playing with matches? Would you eat one of Butthead’s weenies?

Jon: Yea, I was thinking fire. No, Butthead doesn't need to be playing with matches. Yea, I would have eaten two or three of his weenies.

(You said it...I didn’t)

SORSN: Would you ever consider charging the mound if you got hit? If not, why? Are you chicken? Ya, that’s right, I called you a chicken! Come on, bring it. Sorry, didn’t mean it. I was just kidding. Your momma told me to.

Jon: Yea, I am a big chicken.

(Yea, what I thought…you don’t want any….just kidding, please don’t hurt me.)